y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently you make a good broom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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