I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
