But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
