I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
