He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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