Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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