I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
