I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
