i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
