I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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