she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
