It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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