so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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