We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
