my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
3 2 1 whiskey
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
