I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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