I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
