There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
