glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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