What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
