I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
