Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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