he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
