We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
