I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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