I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
