The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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