So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
