My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
