Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
