even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize