Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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