My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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