Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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