Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize