remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize