At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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