I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
