just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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