I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
