Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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