white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
