I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
