Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's never too late to be topless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
