So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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