I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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