Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
