you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
