After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
