so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
