the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
