we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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