I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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