I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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