Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize