I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
