Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
