He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
