So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
