Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do vagina's smell?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
