My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
