I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
