i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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