I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
