I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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