Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
